Advertising,
consumerism, and the media have all mesmerized us into believing that happiness
is one of the basic human rights that we are all entitled to. The truth of the
matter is that true happiness is, surprisingly, simple and effortless, because it comes from within, and not
from without; it is part of self, and is natural to human life and existence.
It is all in the mind—that is, how we
think.
If that is the case, then why is that some people are happy while
others are unhappy?
There is so much
truth in what Leo Tolstoy, the
famous Russian author, said in very beginning of his celebrated novel Anna
Karenina: “Happy families are alike, and unhappy families are unhappy in
their own way.” So, those who are happy and those who are unhappy must have
shared some common attributes or characteristics that predispose them to
happiness or unhappiness.
The unhappy people
The unhappy people
may have the following common characteristics:
Identity
crisis
They do not know who they really are. That is, they may
have falsely identified themselves with something in the world they are living
in, such as “I am a successful businessman” or “I am a good mother.”
Once they have
created for themselves their false identities, they naturally feel the need to
protect and preserve their self-created images. In doing so, they desperately
want to control and protect
their destinies, such as avoiding what they fear might taint their preserved
identities, or repeating what they previously did in order to sustain and
substantiate their identities.
As an example, a
“successful businessman” might want to overwork in order to avoid in future all
possible failures in his or her business, or to repeat in future all his or her
past successful business endeavors.
As another example,
a “good mother” might strive to control the behaviors of her children in order
to control and shape them into the individuals she wants them to become to
prove that she is indeed a "good mother."
In the process of
protecting and sustaining that identity, stress is not only unduly created but
also aggravated by all outcomes falling short of their expectations. Nowadays,
many people are living just to escape their yesterday’s pains and to anticipate
their tomorrow’s pleasures; unfortunately, they are on the road to more
unhappiness, and not less.
The bottom line:
you are who you are, and not who you
would like to become.
Not letting
go
The unhappy people simply refuse to let go of what they think
belong permanently to them; they anticipate what they think they rightly deserve through their
efforts to control or influence the outcomes of events in their lives. They are
afraid of any unforeseeable change, especially death that puts an end to
everything they have delusively created for themselves.
The happy people
The happy people
are usually wise because they know not only how to live but also how to survive
in a world of depression.
Knowing the ultimate truths
The truly happy
people are those who understand that the only permanent cure for unhappiness is
enlightenment, which is the profound human wisdom to know who they are,
and what life is all about. True happiness lies within the true self; it comes
from knowing the ultimate truths about everything in life.
Living a simple life
In addition, the
happy people live a simple life, which is the essence of living. They have
little or no attachment because they understand that everything is impermanent
and subject to change and demise. Therefore, craving for more may also imply getting
more problems when things do not last.
Remember, you have to be always conscious
of your thinking mind in order to better understand your perceptions
and then change them so that they may become a glass half-full, and not
a glass half-empty.
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
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